[How many times can we fall?]

[toremainbehind]

[It's been a week since they've managed to escape.

Neither of them knew who tipped someone off about their location, who helped them escape while everything became hacked and otherwise useless in keeping them contained. It had been their downfall to let Izumo stay in the frontline, his skills almost legendary now with how effective of an assassin he has become over time. Their downfall led to their deaths, and Izumo has ran away with Eric while the remnants of that group tried to go after them.

They didn't know where to go - who to turn to.

For them, this open world was a mystery, even if Izumo has more experience than Eric when it came to the outside world. There's no one they could trust, and little to no money to their name since their captors often took the money Izumo's earned for his kills. But Izumo is adaptable, taking odd jobs here and there in order to earn enough money to save up and find a place to stay.

It's only been a couple of days ago when Izumo first ran into the leader of HOMRA, the Red King and him having traded blows before it came to a tie. They went their separate ways shortly after when an informant came running towards them, Izumo having escaped before he could be questioned.

Now, he had taken Eric to a refuge in a motel. It's small and not one of the best, but it's the best Izumo could afford on such short notice when it became obvious to him when Eric has to rest again.

His right shoulder blade itched from the burns he received from Mikoto, but he ignores it in favor of in-between watching Eric sleep and looking out the window from his perch on the windowsill.]

Comments

[toremainbehind]

[Izumo nods, watching Eric disappear into the kitchen before he turns his attention to Fujishima.

Seeing the younger man still looking embarrassed had him snickering, but he decides to push the matter aside for now.

There'll always be more time to tease the poor man later.]

[redstray]

[ Eric gets to work, being careful and a bit slow. But hes determined to make a good meal for his brother and his friends. The kitchen wasn't as scary as it had been when he first started and he knew where things were by now.

Half hour or so later, Eric comes out with a tray of four steaming bowls of udon. He's careful as he can be carrying them over to the other three and slowly places it on the counter.

Eric looks a little but happier, a little more proud as he places the bowls in front of everyone. He can do something useful to help everyone, and he kind of enjoyed doing it. ]

Dinner's ready.

[toremainbehind]

[Izumo's been talking to Totsuka and Fujishima, eyebrows furrowing as Fujishima reports Eric's condition to him.

It's gotten easier for Izumo to notice Eric's habits, but all three of them know it wouldn't be any good to bring it up. Eric doesn't notice it; in fact, he seems to do it on a subconscious level.

That worries Izumo greatly, though he hides it well.

He smiles when Eric returns, the smile widening at seeing the bright expression on his brother's face.]

It smells good.

[redstray]

[ Totsuka and Fujishima both thank him for the meal, agreeing that it smelled delicious.

Eric was the one who grew red this time, looking away and fidgeting with his sleeves. It was still embarrassing to hear compliments. But that meant he was a good dog and doing a good job, so he didn't mind. ]

Smell's not as important as taste.

[toremainbehind]

If it's anything like your past cooking, then I'm sure it'll taste delicious, as well.

[Even Mikoto eventually comes from his hiding place to join them, greeting Eric with a nod.

As everyone starts to eat, Izumo carefully watches Eric, but making sure his brother doesn't notice.]

[redstray]

It's not as good as yours though.

[ He jumps a bit at the newcomer, sorry that he didn't make him a bowl as well. A head pat later the man remarks Izumo had already fed him.

He watches everyone begin to dig in as he sat down again, but he himself didn't reach for his own bowl.

Wait a bit after they start, then you can eat.

As soon everyone has taken a few bites, Eric starts his meal. He brings the bowl close to him, as if he was trying to make sure no one else got it. His bites were small and quick, as little noise as possible. Be quiet, don't be noticed, no loud noises or else they might look at him. Dogs have to be quiet. ]

[toremainbehind]

I think you're just biased towards my cooking.

[The habits he's seeing makes Izumo want to say something, but a look from Fujishima and a subtle head shake from Totsuka stops him.

He's not happy, but for Eric's sake, he won't say anything.

If this continues, they might really have to get Eric to see a specialist - someone to help him get over this mindset.

He continues to eat, though, and listens as Totsuka drags everyone into conversation.]

[redstray]

Can't be bias if its the best cooking.

[ As Totsuka talks he listens intently in case of anything that was asked of him, but he remained quiet unless Totsuka specifically asked him something.

His answers were generally quiet mumbled out short sentences, straight to the point, no more, no less. ]

[toremainbehind]

Like I said, bias.

[Izumo joins in on the conversation once in a while; otherwise, he'll remain quiet.

He glances at Fujishima, seeing the concern in his eyes, and then at Totsuka.

The younger man gets it immediately, turning to Eric and talking to him in hopes of getting a proper conversation out of him.]

[redstray]

[ When Totsuka begins talking to him he tries his best to respond as he had before. But he kept going for more on a topic, explain this, are you sure that. How about this? So annoying.

Eric continued to look at his bowl, annoyed from all the useless conversation. He wanted to be quiet, he needed to be quiet.

So after one last question, Eric snaps at him.

He blinks, knowing he said something, and knowing he directed it towards the older man, but he couldn't remember what it was. And judging from the wide eyed look he was getting from both Fujishima and Totsuka, he had said something wrong. He was a bad dog. ]

S-sorry. I didn't...I didn't mean...I'm sorry. I...

[ He can't finish his words and his throat tightens and panic starts to set it. He tenses up, ready for anything to happen. Ready for a hit, or to run out the door. ]

[toremainbehind]

Eric. [Izumo calls out his name softly, moving closer to his brother and placing a hand on his shoulder.

It's okay, it's okay.]

You did nothing wrong. Totsuka simply wanted to make conversation with you.

[He keeps an eye on his brother's reactions, unsure of what he might do next.]

[redstray]

[ He practically jumps out of his skin when he feels his brothers hand on his shoulder and starts to shake. ]

I have to...I have...

[ He starts to grab hold of his hair with his hands, trying to calm himself down by tugging on it, hard. ]

[toremainbehind]

[Shifting a bit, Izumo draws Eric into a hug.

He hums their song, seeing Totsuka whisper something to Fujishima, whose concern was easily noticed now.]

[redstray]

[ He shuts his eyes but clings to his brother in the hug. ]

I have to be good...I have to be good. I can't...

[ He whispers in between shaky breaths repeatedly. This was bad, his brother was going through enough, he can't be like this now. He had to be strong and be a good dog. ]

[toremainbehind]

[Anger.

Anger is swelling up inside of him, threatening to take control.

He hears Mikoto call out his name, soft and stern, and it makes Izumo focus on his brother.]

Eric, talk to me. Why do you have to be good?

[redstray]

[ The world was slipping away. He couldn't even tell where he was anymore. There were others there, he knew...but he couldn't tell where or who.

His brother was there though and that's all that mattered. ]

I can't help if I'm bad. I can't be bad or else you hurt. I fail, I fail if I can't help.

[ He was a bad dog, bad dog, bad dog. ]

[toremainbehind]

[He tightens his hold on Eric, worry consuming him at the rambling.]

Eric, you're not bad. Whatever happens to me, none of it is your fault.

You're not bad, Eric. You're good.

[redstray]

You don't get it! I am bad! I have to be a good dog!

[ As soon as the last word leaves his mouth, he freezes.

Did he...really just say that? There's no way...he had stopped thinking that he as a dog, he swears.

But he had been. When he saw the scar it began, and it only got worse after he saw his brother attack, because he couldn't help him. All of his habits coming back, and more.

They always said if he was a good dog he could help his brother. And that's what he thought he was going to do.

He looks up to his brother, hand over his mouth now, scared. That time when Izumo asked him he hoped he would stop thinking like a dog came into his mind.

His brother saw it, and now that he's thinking about it, Fujishima saw it too. Everyone probably had, except for the one he had been acting in it in the first place. ]

[toremainbehind]

[The admittance comes out at last and his eyes flicker briefly to the others.

Fujishima looks almost heartbroken, Totsuka is upset, and Mikoto stands as a guard.

His gaze moves back to Eric and he carefully pats his head.]

You're not a dog. You don't have to be a good dog, Eric.

You're good, you've been good. Not once have you ever been bad.

[redstray]

I couldn't help you when you were in pain. I tried but it wasn't good enough. I've been so selfish when you have problems too. Even now...

[ Izumo was going through harder times then him but he was the strong one. Eric couldn't help him, no matter how hard he tried to now, it was too late. He was a bad brother for not even thinking of trying to help him. Meanwhile all his problems spilled out like he was weak.

Still, he hid his face in his brothers chest, enjoying the comfort of he head pats, he was trying to calm down. One of his hands clung to the others shirt, a bit shaky. ]

...I don't want to be a dog anymore

[toremainbehind]

It's okay, Eric. Not once have I ever thought you were selfish.

[He pauses as he listens to Eric.]

Then don't be a dog.

[redstray]

I don't think...it's as easy as just saying that.

[ Just like it was hard for Izumo to confront and talk about his feelings, Eric didn't even realize what he had been doing until a couple of minutes ago. How could he even stop that if he can't even recognize it? ]

[toremainbehind]

That's why we both need to work on it.

Like my little sessions, you need to be able to work on yours - slowly, one step at a time.

[redstray]

I know...I know. But, what if I fall in again...and don't know?

[ He blinked, realizing something. He looks up at Izumo, then back to the others. He frowned, feeling a bit hurt. ]

You knew...you all knew and you didn't tell me! Why didn't any of you tell me?!

[toremainbehind]

[Almost immediately, Fujishima and Totsuka defend themselves, claiming that they did tell him, but he didn't believe him.

Izumo continues to hold Eric, his expression one of patience and understanding.]

Eric, you've been far into that mindset already that you haven't noticed you've been doing it subconsciously, and you kept denying it.